It’s a tough day when you’re a Miscarriage Mama. It’s right up there with the anniversaries of your due date and your miscarriage. It’s a day when you are reminded that your child is not living. When you are a Miscarriage Mama with no living children it’s a day that doesn’t include little footprint bookmarks that were made in your child’s preschool class, or breakfast in bed filled with syrupy kisses and snuggles from your little ones. It’s a day that you are painfully aware of the fact that your child or children live in heaven, and no matter how much you long for those snuggles and kisses you are just not able to get them.
It’s also a day when we often feel forgotten by the rest of the world. It can feel as though they don’t actually consider us mothers. I’ve even seen it said that motherhood begins when you first hold your child in your arms. I don’t accept that. For me motherhood began when I conceived my children and has continued every day since I lost my children. It is important for us to remember and tell the world that yes, we are still mothers!! We carried our children in the womb for as long as we could, and we continue to carry them in our hearts every second of every day.
So how does the Miscarriage Mama make it through this challenging day?
First, make sure to be kind to yourself. Remind yourself what a wonderful woman you are and how much you love your child.
Be gentle with yourself. It’s so easy to let the negative inner voices take over and say all of those nasty things you sometimes believe like you’re a failure, and if only you had done this instead of that your baby might still be here.
Honor yourself, for you are and will always be your little angel’s mother. That is something no one can ever take away from you.
Honor your child. Do something to remember your child, be it having them added to the prayer list at church, or buying a candle to burn in their memory. You could even get yourself a piece of Mother’s Day jewelry. I have a necklace with each of my children’s birthstones with little silver angel wings. I wear it every day. It helps me feel close to them. Talk about your child with your loved ones or trusted friends.
And lastly, let yourself have that moment of sadness. It’s normal. It’s okay. Most importantly, YOU are allowed. Try not to let it consume your day, but let it flow. My first Mother’s Day after my first miscarriage I was a total mess. Snot and tears everywhere. If you need to let yourself go there then do it.
I know nothing will take away the pain, sadness, and emptiness that comes with being an angel mother on Mother’s Day. If you are anything like me, I know you would do anything to just have one moment to hold your child in your arms. I know this is a hard day to get through. But from one Miscarriage Mama to another I want to wish you a very happy Mother’s Day. For my dear sweet beautiful angel mother…you are STILL a mother today and every day.
All my love,