I’m gonna be honest…I feel bad about slacking on the blog this week, but I also feel like I have to let myself off the hook because it’s okay to slack sometimes too. Last week was a really tough one. The anniversary of my second miscarriage. The anniversaries are always hard. While I was giving myself space to process it, while I was allowing myself to feel sad, angry, confused, numb, life just wasn’t allowing me the space to process and feel all the feelings. Last week was a shit show, plain and simple. But that’s how life goes isn’t it. Some weeks, even the weeks when we are needing space to deal with our internal stuff, just don’t allow the time and space you need to do that. So you end up stuffing it down a bit. When I stuff it down, when I don’t get the chance to go there it comes out in other ways. I avoid things. I feel unmotivated. I get damn cranky.
THAT was me last week…and it carried over a lot into this week. Thus, the super late blog. I just couldn’t find my words. I just didn’t want to talk about how shitty having had a miscarriage was…again. But I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to talk about. At a certain point in the week, as I was posting on my Instagram…that you should totally be following by the way…I realized a theme, I realized what I kept coming back to in my posts… Finding the simple joys.
When life is feeling overwhelming, when you are in a funk and you can’t get out, when you’re in a funk and you don’t even know it, when you find yourself tallying up all the crap from the day, find your simple joys. Find those little things that make you smile. Find those little things that you feel grateful for. Things as small as having puffs plus with lotion tissues because you are getting over a cold and your nose is still a bit of a snot faucet and thank god for those lotioned up tissues otherwise you would have a raw, sad, and painful nose.
There is actually an exercise that my therapist encourages me to do, something that I was doing daily and have since slacked off a bit, keeping a G.L.A.D. Journal. In my G.L.A.D. Journal I write one thing that I’m Grateful for, one thing that I Learned, one thing I Accomplished, and one thing that Delighted me for the day. My therapist says it helps to reformat your brain so that it sees the good…even on the most challenging of days, and then when you have a real whopper of a bad day you can reflect on all of the small things that make up a great life. I’ll be busting out my journal tonight. I’ll be reminding myself of the good parts of the day and reminding my brain to focus on those parts and not the parts that make me sad or anxious. It’s important to acknowledge the things that make us sad and anxious, but we can’t unpack and live there. Remember to be G.L.A.D. about this beautiful life. Find those simple joys!
If you are experiencing anxiety or depression, I want to encourage you to find a mental health counselor. At some point I will be sharing my love letter to my therapist. She has truly been an angel in my life. Following both of my miscarriages I was in a dark place and I tried really hard to find the light on my own, but I couldn’t get there by myself. When I finally asked my OB/GYN for a referral because I was having such a hard time, that’s when the light came back. I still have tough days…we all do, but I’m living in the light again and it is a wonderful place to be. It might take a few tries to find a therapist that you click with but when you find the one you’ll know. It’s a lot like dating…sometimes you have to go on a few first dates until you find the person you want to keep dating.
And if you are hurting right now, know that my heart is with you and I am sending you so much love. xoxo