I haven’t written about my miscarriages much. Okay so let’s be real…I haven’t written about anything much in the past several months. Why…so many reasons, but ultimately…I just wasn’t feeling it. But now, oh my friends, now I’m feeling it again.
As Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month draws to a close, I wanted to take a moment to talk about my journey with pregnancy loss…otherwise known as miscarriage…otherwise known as a giant bag of suck.
If you’re new here, I’ve had two miscarriages and a big fat positive pregnancy test that resulted in a regular period as well as more late periods than I can count (I guess technically I CAN count it…’cause ya know…there’s and app for that) and the endless emotional roller coaster that comes with being a woman in her “wouldn’t it be nice to be pregnant, let’s just have a baby already” phase of life.
The fact is 1 in 4 of all pregnancies will result in Miscarriage. Mamas…that means if you and three of your girlfriends has lunch it is likely that at least one of you sitting at that table has had at least 1 miscarriage.
It’s so common, yet soooooo not talked about. Since it’s just not talked about it leaves those of us that are the 1 feeling like we are total failures at this becoming a mom thing. We feel like our bodies are coming in last in the do what you’re supposed to do race. You know that race…you have it in your head too, right?
We are fed the lines in High School Sex Ed that we’ll get pregnant with the greatest of ease. But that just isn’t true for all of us…especially the over 35 crowd…raise your hand with me women of “Advanced Maternal Age”…ugh what a gross way of saying you’re getting a little long in the tooth there lady.
For many of us, far too many of us (let’s be real), becoming pregnant or staying pregnant isn’t something done with the greatest of ease. It’s hard work. It becomes overwhelming. You start knowing waaaaay too much information about cervical mucus and all of its sticky or not so sticky wait shouldn’t it be sticky I need to check that damn app again glory. You take your prenatals. You curb your caffeine and alcohol intake. You make sure to eat your fruits and veggies and get enough physical activity. You’re literally peeing on sticks left, right, and center.
And there are moments on this journey, path, road, adventure, whatever you want to call it where you just simply feel overwhelmed.
Some might feel overwhelmed because even though they are doing everything right, literally everything right, I mean the women in the Trying to Conceive community do not mess around when it comes to creating an optimum environment for their babies to grow, we take our uteruses…uteri…whatever…we take it super seriously, but we are doing everything right and still, no babies.
Or like me, you are also obsessively doing everything right and you happened to get pregnant super easy, but your body just couldn’t carry that baby to term. And then you go and get pregs a second time, again with ease, and yet again your body doesn’t want to play along. And you simply feel gutted. You wonder why the hell your body isn’t doing what it was created to do. You mourn the losses of your children. You grieve them with an intensity that only a mother could know. And you try to take solace in the fact that at least you aren’t alone, because 1 in 4 women lose their babies to miscarriage.
It sucks that you are part of the 1 in 4, it sucks so hard. Nothing on this earth can make it suck any less.
I can only say that the more I talk about my losses and talk about my experience as part of the 1 in 4, the more I connect with other women just like me. We have this pretty amazing sisterhood, by the way. We lean on each other. We cry with each other. We use times like this when we get an entire month to have our voices heard to raise awareness about something so common, yet so not talked about…well at least not until now. Start that conversation, share your story. And if for some reason you aren’t comfortable sharing with the people around you…shoot me a private message. I’ll listen with zero judgement.
If you too have miscarried, please know that my heart is with you and my shoulders are here to lean on any time you need to. This is not the most ideal club to be in, but there are so many amazing mamas just like you out there and together we can get through it all. We are truly stronger together.